As a leader, you may find it difficult to give constructive performance feedback. You are only too aware that many people do not react well to receiving any form of criticism. You fear that relationships will be affected and performance will drop if you mention anything negative (see my previous post on receiving feedback). You do not want to hurt people’s feelings. So you focus on the positive and mumble quickly any suggestions for improvement. Or you try the `poop sandwich`-- say something positive, followed by something negative (the real issue), and finally something positive.  Even with the best of intentions and practice, you still come out feeling you could have done better. 

Numerous books and articles have been written on effective ways to give feedback.  From my coaching experience, here is my recommendation on the best approach to take.

8 steps to giving feedback that is well-received and useful:

1.       Get permission from the recipient.

Asking: ‘is this a good time?’ gives the person receiving the feedback a chance to prepare psychologically. This is also important when giving feedback in the moment.

2.       Be clear on who benefits.

Only give feedback that genuinely supports a person’s professional development.  It must be about them, not you.

3.       Come from a position of respect and support, but trust people are capable of managing their own reactions.

The most helpful feedback is specific, evidence-based and uses clear language. Although you need to choose your language carefully so that it remains respectful, it is important to be candid and have faith in people’s ability to process and make good use of it.

4.       Instead of focusing on weaknesses, consider what people need to do and be more of.

Appreciative Inquiry research suggests that moving from a deficit-based to a positive-change approach gives stronger results.

5.       Start by asking questions.

Asking people how they see their own performance can lead you to common ground and a conversation about hidden strengths and opportunities for growth.

6.       Stay present and slow the pace.

You can help people feel more comfortable by being warm, welcoming and patient.

7.      Take the three step approach (`poop sandwich` redefined).

• Describe what you see is working well;
  
• Ask permission to highlight opportunities for them to do even better;
• Acknowledge their unique value as a professional.

8.       And finally, ask them what they need from you to support them.

As a leader, it is important to know what you can do to help your team succeed.

It is good leadership practice to acknowledge and celebrate people's efforts and successes early and often. There is no such thing as too much praise and recognition when it is specific and genuine.  Most people have a very active inner critic. This, added to our human tendency to find fault, can wear us all down. Celebrating 'wins', even small ones, and thanking people for the work they do can build stronger, more committed teams.

“May I give you some feedback?”  

According to international leadership coach David Rock, we hear this question the same way we hear footsteps behind us in a dark alley; with foreboding and the desire to either run or fight.   Yet well-considered feedback can help you target areas where taking action could have a real impact on your leadership effectiveness.  

New discoveries in the field of neuroscience give us a better understanding of how the brain functions and its effect on behaviour.  In his book, Your Brain at Work (p. 199), David Rock says:

• Status is a significant driver of behaviour at work and across life experiences;
• A sense of status going up, even in a small way, activates your reward circuits;
• A sense of status going down activates your threat circuitry.

The brain balks at receiving feedback because it recognizes it as a threat to status.  Now you know this, here are 7 ways to make receiving feedback on your job performance more productive.  Once you get really good at this, you can actually take the initiative and ask for feedback yourself.

7 steps to hear and process feedback positively:

1.       Remain calm...and breathe (you will hear me say that often).

This sounds obvious but many people tense up, fearing the worst (note ‘dark alley’ reference above).

2.       Let the feedback wash over you.

Listen to the feedback without judgement or defensiveness.

3.       Take notes.

This will help you to keep calm and remember key points for later review.

4.       Stay open and curious.

This is not the time to start challenging the feedback.  Ask questions to get more information or examples to help you better understand what is being said.

5.       Ask to reflect on the feedback and follow up later if you need to.

This will give you time to process your feelings and become more objective if you think further discussion is necessary.

6.       Thank the person for making the effort to give the feedback.

It is just as difficult to give feedback as it is to receive it.

7.       Take time to consider the feedback and plan the next steps.

Once you have an objective view of the feedback, you can then look at what it really means and how to take action. A coach can be helpful here.

Finally, remember this:  feedback is about learning how you can become even better at doing your job. It is not about questioning your intrinsic value as a human being.

In the next post, I will talk about how to give feedback in a way that increases the chances of people taking it well and acting on it positively.

Have you ever been affected by grumpiness and negative noise in the workplace?  How can you stay grounded and moving forward in the face of other people’s uncivil behaviour?  

In their book, The Cost of Bad Behaviour, researchers Christine Porath and Christine Pearson describe the negative impact of uncivil behaviour on employee motivation and productivity.  They define incivility as behaviour that is “disrespectful, inconsiderate, tactless, insensitive, uncaring or rude”. As an executive coach, I sometimes hear from clients about the toll this type of behaviour can take on organizations.

Improving general leadership behaviour and organizational culture is certainly critical.  But these are longer term solutions that require sustained effort on many fronts.  This is about what YOU can do NOW to stay focused and not be distracted by the poor behaviour of others.  Clearly, if the bad behaviour escalates to more serious aggression, threats and intimidation, others will need to become involved.

What not to do:

1.       Imagine the perpetrators sitting on a toilet seat with their pants down.

Well, you could, but you might laugh at the wrong time.

2.       Plot their downfall in a “revenge is a dish best served cold” scenario.

Creative though this is, you can get stuck wasting your valuable time.

3.       Turn uncivil yourself, spread gossip, and get back at them through sabotage and other means.

You risk becoming part of the problem, not the solution.

What to try:

1.       Make sure you are taking care of yourself.

When you are stressed and overwhelmed, it is easy to misinterpret a situation.

2.       Let go of the ‘scalded cat’ and the ‘poor me’ feelings.

It is very satisfying sometimes to feel outraged or to focus on how hurt you are, but it can get in the way of making the right decisions.

3.       Ask yourself if there is some reason for their behaviour -- what do they think, feel or want.

Stepping out of your own feelings and into theirs can help you see more objectively what else may be going on.

4.       Think about who you want to be in the situation.

You can get caught up in other people’s dramas unless you take time to think about what is most important for you.

5.       Carefully consider all the available choices you have.

Often we feel victimized and don’t think through what options are possible to deal with the situation.  Sometimes choosing to do nothing is a good decision.

6.       Oh yes...and breathe.

It helps to reduce the heat of the moment and gives you time to think.

I would be interested in hearing how others deal with incivility in the workplace.